Very Funny: Funny Jokes that have made people laugh for thousands of years

Ow, my shit!

When I was a kid, I was always excited to learn new vocabulary. When I was in first grade, my teacher taught me that “shin” was another word for leg.

Later that day, I was walking with my mom, when I tripped and hit my leg on the ground really hard. I yelled out “OW, MY SHIN” although my mom heard “OW, MY SHIT.” She started yelling about how that was a bad word and we didn’t say that word, and she was going to wash my mouth out with soap. I was a crying, bawling mess of a child, to the point I was doing that weird cry, stutter, hiccup noise. She paused in berating me and said “Who taught you that word?!” Of course, I told the truth and said “M-m-my teacher t-t-t-taught me that word!” and she started ranting about how she was going to call the school and get that teacher yelled at.

I tried to explain, “T-te-teacher said that shin meant leg I’m SO SORRY ILL N-N-NE-ne-never say it again.” My mom got quiet and realized her mistake. “…What did you say?”

Of course I started crying harder and I said “NO it’s just a test you’re going to wash my mouth out with soap again.”

When I finally calmed down enough to say it again, my mom apologized and to this day I always say “shin” loudly just to see her face blush.

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Why are crabs so bad at sharing?

Why are crabs so bad at sharing?

Because they’re all shellfish.

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To be fair, it was a pretty naughty fridge

Guy walked into the party, no one knew him, he walked around for a few minutes then puled out a gun, shot the refrigerator 2 times, and then calmly walked out.

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Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay?

Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay?

Because then they’d be bagels.

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What do you call a dog with no legs?

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn’t matter, it’s not going to come anyway.

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Arrow in the eyeball

Man once came in with a minor puncture to his eye. He had decided he would try to see what it looked like to have a bow and arrow aimed at you, so he aimed a drawn arrow at his reflection in a mirror and accidentally fired. It bounced off and hit his eye

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What kind of car does a sheep like to drive?

What kind of car does a sheep like to drive?

A lamborghini.

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A Bic pen up the ass

Not a doctor but I was an orderly at a mental institution once, a guy came up and asked for help removing a Bic pen from his ass.

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What did the duck say when it bought some lipstick?

What did the duck say when it bought some lipstick?

“Put it on my bill.”

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Two pennies, two nostrils

My mom had a guy bring his son in with a penny in his nose. No problem, popped it out. Couple minutes later, gets a call that someone had a penny in nose. She says, no, I already took care of that. They insisted there was someone with a penny in his nose. Went out to check, there was the very same sheepish dad with a penny up HIS nose. ‘I just wanted to see how he did it…’ was his explanation.

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What do you get from a pampered cow?

What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.

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What happened when a faucet, a tomato, and some lettuce ran a race together?

What happened when a faucet, a tomato, and some lettuce ran a race together?

The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running, and the tomato was trying to ketchup.

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I couldn’t believe the highway department called my dad a thief

I couldn’t believe the highway department called my dad a thief.

But when I got home, the signs were all there.

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Light bulb up the butt

I’m a nurse in an emergency department and we had one guy come in with light bulb stuck in ‘that’ area. He tensed when we were removing it and it shattered; he had to go for emergency surgery.

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What kind of cleaning product feels a lot of motivation in life?

What kind of cleaning product feels a lot of motivation in life?

All-purpose.

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