Jokes for Friends and Family

I’ve been trying to make a sarcastic club

I’ve been trying to make a sarcastic club, but it’s been really hard to tell if people are interested in joining or not.

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A horse walks into a bar

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, “Why the long face?”

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What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy and the other’s a little lighter.

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Want to hear a joke about a roof?

Want to hear a joke about a roof?

The first one’s on the house.

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But I’m Pretty Sure Xavier’s Mansion Is in Weschester, NY

Student #1: Yo, what’s in Iceland?
Student #2: Nigga, what do you think? Ice, obviously!
Student #1: Don’t that mean Iceman lives there, then?
Student #2: Good question…

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What do frogs use to track their exercise?

What do frogs use to track their exercise?

Fit (rib)bits.

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What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?

Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A: A stick.

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Whenever you jump on a trampoline, did you know it changes the season?

Whenever you jump on a trampoline, did you know it changes the season?

No matter what time of year, it always becomes spring time.

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Why are crabs so bad at sharing?

Why are crabs so bad at sharing?

Because they’re all shellfish.

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Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re gonna pay

Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re gonna pay.

You have my Word.

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A failed ruse

My friends ripped a parking meter out of the ground and threw it off the fourth floor of their dorm to get it open.

It didn’t open, so they did it again.

It still didn’t open, so they toted it back up and kept it in their room until the end of the year, when they put it back in the ground.

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Already Taken Care Of

Clerk #1: Did you know that there are a whole bunch of copies of Atlas Shrugged in the Bestsellers section?
Clerk #2: Yeah.
Clerk #1: Is it okay if I pee on them?

5 1 vote
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How does NASA organize a party?

How does NASA organize a party?

They planet.

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Why did the kid throw a stick of butter out the window?

Q: Why did the kid throw a stick of butter out the window? / A: To see butter-fly.

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A horse walks into a bar

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender says, “Hey!”

The horse replies, “Sure.”

5 1 vote
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