What gets wetter the more it dries?
What do you call a toothless bear?
A gummy bear!
You know why you never see elephants hiding up in trees?
Because they’re really good at it.
What kind of shorts do clouds wear?
So I have this health teacher who is really insane about exercise. This woman has done ironman triathlons, and talks about going to the YMCA at 5:00am.
Yeah she’s crazy.
Basically we have this project to pick a health goal to do for a month. Things like drinking water or doing squats. For that you need some motivation so we were talking about physical things to reward ourselves with.
She decided to tell us about her sporting goods fetish, where she goes into a store and buys a bunch of gear like they were books.
In the middle of this she suddenly goes, “I really like Dick’s”
Realizing what she just said, she turned red and in a more quiet voice goes, “please don’t tell your parents.”
The foreign exchange student from Sweden took too much MDMA and ended up dancing in the living room with his pants and briefs pulled down.
There he was, in the living room of a massive party, with his tiny little dick swaying back and forth. He was kicked out, and kept coming back dancing with his pants at his ankles.
He came back the next day to apologize; it was his first week being a foreign exchange student at our school. Yes, a meme was made.
Girl: God, it’s getting so cold! I should’ve brought my winter coat!
Guy: You don’t need a coat, you need a hot man to warm you up.
Girl: I need that, too…but I’d start with a coat.
HS Girl: That’s all she talks about. She watches Star Trek, she talks about Star Trek, she gets Star Trek tattoos all over her body.
HS Guy: At least my tattoo is cool.
Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon?
It had great food, but no atmosphere.
Girl #1: I just don’t know what he sees in me.
Girl #2: Maybe the same thing you see in him.
Girl #1: Well, I like him because his dad’s a mortician.