Jokes That are Guaranteed to Make You Laugh

Jack Sparrow being, well, Jack Sparrow

Friend of mine was at a party the cops busted. It was Halloween so everyone was in costume. This one dude was dressed as jack sparrow.
Cops come in and the guy, who was super hammered at this point stands right next to an open window and says “you’ll always remember this as the day you almost caught jack sparrow,” proceeds to jump out the second story window and break his leg. Funny as shit.

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What do you call a blind deer?

What do you call a blind deer?
No eye dear.

What do you call a blind deer with a broken leg?
Still no eye dear

What do you call a blind deer with a broken leg that has been castrated?
Still no f*cking eye dear.

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Where do wasps like to get lunch?

Where do wasps like to get lunch?

A bee-stro.

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What do you call cheese that’s not your cheese?

Q: What do you call cheese that’s not your cheese? / A: Nacho cheese.

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What did the grape do when it got stepped on?

What did the grape do when it got stepped on?

It let out a little wine.

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George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Matthew McConaughey get together to make a movie

George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Matthew McConaughey get together to make a movie.

Clooney says, “I’ll direct.”

DiCaprio says, “I’ll act.”

McConaughey says, “I’ll write, I’ll write, I’ll write.”

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What do you call a group of berries playing instruments?

Q. What do you call a group of berries playing instruments?

A. A jam session.

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Why is Peter Pan always flying?

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

Because he Neverlands. (I love this joke because it never grows old.)

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The elusive cockblocking, jumping man

I saw a man nobody knew jumping out a window of my room.

Everyone was drinking, smoking and all the usual things, and finally I got upstairs with a girl, to my bedroom. We were beginning our stuff and this fucking crazy man stormed in and directly jumped outside. I didn’t know what to do. As it was a 2 stories building, at the moment it was not sure he was dead or not, but we learned it soon after.

That stranger cockblocked me more than anything.

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What did the dryer say to the boring duvet cover that just got out of the washer?

What did the dryer say to the boring duvet cover that just got out of the washer?

“Don’t be such a wet blanket.”

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Why do pancakes always win at baseball?

Why do pancakes always win at baseball?

They have the best batter.

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Weed birthday

Last year, during class, my algebra teacher let us listen to music while we did our classwork and whatnot. So, I was just jamming, being super confused on this one problem and I look up from my paper to ask my friend how to do it and EVERYONE is intensely looking back and forth between me and another girl with their fingers on their noses. As you can imagine, I was super confused. So, naturally, I also put my finger on my nose. Everybody yelled “OHHHHHHHHHH” and turns out, it was a “nose goes” thing and the other girl had to ask the teacher if she’d ever smoked weed on her birthday because it was 4/20…

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Why was the dad sitting on a pack of playing cards?

Why was the dad sitting on a pack of playing cards?

His kid asked him to sit on the deck.

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Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized?

Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized?

The doctors say it was due to too many strokes.

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