Q. Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?
A. Because he always has a great fall.
When I first moved from Lithuania to America I was 5 years old and didn’t speak any English. On the first day of kindergarten I was crying so much that my teacher picked me up and let me sit on her lap, meanwhile the rest of the kids sat on the carpet in front of me and watched me cry while she explained to them what was going on (in a language I didn’t understand).
Our school was 3 buildings put together, and the pick up was at the “blue” building but my classroom was at the “red” building, so they put a sign over my neck that said “I don’t speak English and I’m going to the blue building” and sent me away to follow a crowd of other kids. I’m still traumatized
Q: What did the mouse say to the other mouse when he tried to steal his cheese?
A: That’s nacho cheese.
Q: What do you call an attractive fruit? / A: A fine-apple.
Why did the bullet end up losing his job?
He got fired.
When I was around 9 years old I was starting to get confused about my sexuality so I would always look up “Are You Gay” quizzes on our family computer because I was scared and confused, and my mom eventually saw the searches in the history and confronted me about it. I lied about it and said I had accidentally clicked an ad. As it turns out, I am gay.
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay?
Because then they’d be bagels.
One time my drama class’s teacher had gone home sick so we were just put in a classroom with a movie to entertain us for the period when an alarm went off. None of us were sure if it was the fire alarm or the lockdown alarm, so we all head out into the hall to check and no one’s out there, so we head back in and climb under our desks as is lockdown procedure.
Cut to an hour or so later when a teacher bursts in and nearly dies of relief because the school was on fire and we were the only students not accounted for and half the faculty and fire department had been searching for us for ages. Literally, the whole school had filled with smoke while we’d kept super safe under our wooden desks.
So when I was in the eighth grade, science class was the most boring hours of my life. Everyone would play games on their computers (we used computers to take notes) but would play them in a super sneaky manner (volume down, looking at the board so it looks like you’re taking notes, etc.). I wasn’t one for playing games during class but I was soooo bored…so I searched up Pac-Man on Google and started playing (I didn’t know what else to play).
So I started playing and just my luck I didn’t check how high my volume was….IT WAS ALL THE WAY UP. I started panicking because the game noises were excruciatingly loud. I kept playing and got eaten by a ghost almost after I pressed the start button (my hands were shaking like crazy)….my strict science teacher looked me straight in the eye..