TODAY: Funny Stories and Jokes That Are Guaranteed to Make You Laugh

A girl who lost all inhibitions

One of my friends and I were at a house party. She drank 8 shots of tequila one right after the other and then proceeded to have bareback anal sex on the front lawn while everyone watched. Not one of her finest moments. Sheโ€™s a Mormon now, apparently.

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I started a new job as a tailor last week

I started a new job as a tailor last week.

Itโ€™s been sew-sew.

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Someone stole my Microsoft Office and theyโ€™re gonna pay

Someone stole my Microsoft Office and theyโ€™re gonna pay.

You have my Word.

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What did the air conditioner say when it met a celebrity?

What did the air conditioner say when it met a celebrity?

โ€œIโ€™m a big fan.โ€

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Why should you never trust stairs?

Why should you never trust stairs?

Theyโ€™re always up to something.

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Why was the math book always worried?

Q: Why was the math book always worried?
A: Because it had so many problems.

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How did the hipster burn his mouth?

How did the hipster burn his mouth?

He ate hisย pizzaย before it was cool.

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Why are frogs always so happy?

Why are frogs always so happy?

They eat whatever bugs them.

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Did you hear about the fire at the circus?

Did you hear about the fire at the circus?

It was in tents!

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Working in a mirror factory

Working in a mirror factory is something I can totally see myself doing.

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We Have Our First Victim

Teen boy: They should have a test for eveyone coming out of high school to weed out the stupid kids from the gene pool. If you donโ€™t pass, youย die.

Teen girl: Yeah, like how momma hamsters eat their babies when they know they wonโ€™t make it in the realย world.

4 1 vote
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What gets wetter the more it dries?

What gets wetter the more it dries?

A towel.

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Some Judge Judy Will Take Care of That

Guy: I want to put a flat screen in my bathroom.

Girl: Interestingโ€ฆ

Guy: Maybe I would actually take baths if I had something else to watch other than my penis floating.

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What does a house wear?

What does a house wear?

Address!

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The caulk in the cock

My cousin is a nurse and she told us this story about couple that came in into the ER and were obviously on heavy drugs.

Apparently worst affecting his ability to get it up so they decided to put caulk in his urethra to try and make it hard. She calls that story the caulk in the cock.โ€

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