Jokes in English

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What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor?
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What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor?

“Make me one with everything.”

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Love Means Never Having to Say “I’m Puking”
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Spanish thug #1: I’m all about love, man, but I never say it, like, I loved my ex.
Spanish thug #2: What is love? And not the general meaning of it.
Spanish thug #1: It’s like feeling sick to your stomach. (pause) Right?
Spanish thug #2: Yeah, that’s good.

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Should you have your whole family for Thanksgiving dinner?
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Q: Should you have your whole family for Thanksgiving dinner? / A: No, you should just stick with turkey.

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What do you call cheese that’s not your cheese?
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Q: What do you call cheese that’s not your cheese? / A: Nacho cheese.

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Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up?
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Q: Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up?
A: Because it was two tired.

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Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
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Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?

Because he had no body to go with.

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Skull lover
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So I was sitting at a lecture when I feel like being stared at, and in the corner of my eye I see this really handsome guy, who’s literally just staring at me. I don’t think much of it and continue to listen to the professor. After the lecture the guy comes up to me, and lays his hand on head and I’m like “eeeehm, what are you doing” and he stares me dead in the eyes and says “I’ve never seen such a gorgeous skull” and then he turns around and leaves.

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Why aren’t koalas considered bears?
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Why aren’t koalas considered bears?

They don’t have the right koala-fications.

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A party that was casually broken up by a police helicopter
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Got busted by a police helicopter while drinking at the lake. Spotlighted us & and yelled at us over a bullhorn to stay still while 6 officers complete with 2 k9 units came down to where we were.

Gathered everybody up, walked us to where we parked our cars, searched us, cited one kid for having weed & then let us all go. It was pretty surreal.

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A drunken piss turned tragic
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I live in Isla Vista, where basically party central is located on a street right on the cliffs over the ocean. I was at an ATO day party, everything is all good, people were intoxicated and having a good time, then all of a sudden we hear screams and people start freaking out. Someone fell off the cliffs. Turns out it was my friend who fell off the cliffs to his death):

That was definitely one of the most craziest and traumatic experiences of my life, along with the shootings that happened here in Isla vista last weekend.

Moral of the story, don’t pee off of cliffs into the ocean when you are blacked out drunk/:

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Also Because You’re Wearing Short-shorts and Rollerskates
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Teenage boy #1: All I’m saying is it’s false advertising. If you suck dick, you should say you suck dick.
Teenage boy #2: But then everyone will think you’re a fag.
Teenage boy #3: No, no way. You’re telling me that just because I meet a guy whose dick I want to suck, people will think I’m a fag?

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Why won’t skeletons fight each other?
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Why won’t skeletons fight each other?

They just don’t have the guts.

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Applied for a job at McDonalds
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I got piss drunk and wandered off to McDonalds, which was like a mile off campus. I don’t remember even leaving but I got a call a week later from the McDonald’s saying I didn’t get the job because I didn’t go to the interview. I guess in my drunken state I got there and realized I had no money so I must have sat there and applied for a job. Didn’t remember a thing

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Where do snowmen keep their savings?
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Where do snowmen keep their savings?

In the snowbank.

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Why did the chicken go to jail?
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Q: Why did the chicken go to jail?
A: Because he was using fowl language

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