HOT TODAY: Funny Jokes That Will Have the Whole Family Laughing

What kind of shorts do clouds wear?

What kind of shorts do clouds wear?

Thunderpants

5 1 vote
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
A horrible, awful happenstance

College. Guy goes upstairs to pass out. Girl is already in the bed of his choosing. Amazing sex sounds.

 

Morning after, horrible screaming. Guy and Girl turn out to be siblings.

4 1 vote
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Wednesday One-Liners Like to Move It, Move It!

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are being delayed by a stalled train directly behind us. We hope to be moving shortly.

Once again, ladies and gentlemen, we are being delayed by a train directly behind us.

Thank you for your patience.

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Why did the kid throw a stick of butter out the window?

Q: Why did the kid throw a stick of butter out the window? / A: To see butter-fly.

4 1 vote
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Such a Good Boy

Mom: Honey, you better behave while you stay at Daddy’s house this weekend.

Five-year-old boy: If he doesn’t buy me a new toy, I’m going to slice his sausage open!

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Not the smartest drunk, but definitely the most clever

One of my roommates got piss drunk, walked to a grocery store nearby, purchased a frozen pizza and broke into the fire station evidently looking for a way to heat it up. 

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
I literally “fell” for him

Since my crush sits behind me in class, when we stood up to do the pledge I stood up too fast and I stumbled over to him so to not fall on the ground I reached to grab his desk but I accidentally GRABBED HIM and I ended up falling on top of him and we both screamed.

Luckily I didn’t hurt or crush him. My teacher and everyone else started laughing and I got so red afterwards. Now when we stand up for the pledge, he moves all the way to the back of the room away from me…

5 1 vote
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Matthew McConaughey get together to make a movie

George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Matthew McConaughey get together to make a movie.

Clooney says, “I’ll direct.”

DiCaprio says, “I’ll act.”

McConaughey says, “I’ll write, I’ll write, I’ll write.”

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
I googled “Rorshach test.”

I googled “Rorshach test.”

But for some reason, all that came up were pictures of my parents fighting.

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Slappy trails

One time in fifth grade, I was walking back to class from the bathroom. Before I continue, I should specify two things.

1. My classroom was literally just around the corner from the bathroom, next to the lockers.

2. There was a boy that I had a crush on for the past year in my class.

Now for whatever reason, I was swinging my arms around in a wild half-windmill motion. Don’t ask me why, I was just filled with child-like glee I guess. So there I was, swinging my arms dramatically, then just when I got to the corner…

SMACK.

I had accidentally slapped someone in the face. It took me a second to realize who it was: my crush.

I was mortified, but he just started laughing. To this day I can probably cite that as one of my top clumsy/socially inept moments.

4 1 vote
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
How did the hipster burn his mouth?

How did the hipster burn his mouth?

He ate his pizza before it was cool.

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Don’t sit on cold ground

So a couple weeks ago, me and my friends were sitting on this cement kind of pedestal (as we called it) It’s basically the steps up to the portable. (classroom that no one uses) and this weird supply French teacher comes up to us and says: you shouldn’t be sitting on this ground, it’s too cold and it’s bad for your ovaries. I asked her how or why and she said that if children sit on cold ground their ovaries will freeze and that we won’t be able to have kids. Now it’s an inside joke between us about not sitting on cold ground.

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Senior citizen with chlamydia

Not a doctor but a medic in an ER. My favorite so far is having to call security on a wife when the doctor told the patient (70-year-old dude) that he had chlamydia and the wife started freaking out and yelling about cheating. Somewhat embarrassing I guess.

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Economic Reality Bites

College-Bound kid: So I can come home every weekend in October, to work on the haunted house.
Mom: No. You can’t. You have to stay at school for the bonding. You don’t want to miss that first-few-weeks bonding that goes on.
College-Bound kid: I told Ray I’d help with the haunted house. I want to do make-up.
Mom: You can’t! College costs money! Your food costs money! It costs money to come home on the train!
College-Bound kid: Wait–the train costs money?
Mom: Both ways.

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
What do you call a dog with no legs?

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn’t matter, it’s not going to come anyway.

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Subscribe
Notify of
guest

0 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x