HOT TODAY: Best Jokes That are Guaranteed to Make You Laugh

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?

Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A: A stick.

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What do you call malware on a Kindle?

What do you call malware on a Kindle?

A bookworm.

4 1 vote
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Gay teacher

So about a year ago we had to do a speech about something we were passionate about. These would then be recorded to put on the school website. I decided to do one about gay rights as it was not yet legalized in my state. I decided to mention that I was gay during the speech, which wasn’t that much of a surprise to people. In the end it went really well.

Then a couple of hours later, during lunch I was walking past the staffroom to get to the lunch hall when I heard my speech being played, being curious I stopped and I heard them replay “I am gay myself actually” a couple of times over. Out of the corner I could see my 6th grade teacher give my computer studies teacher 10 dollars. Then suddenly, I sneezed really loudly, the teachers turned around and saw me standing there.

My 6th grade teacher has pretty much gotten over it but my computer studies teacher refuses to make eye contact with me.

4 1 vote
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What do you call a pudgy psychic?

What do you call a pudgy psychic?

A four-chin teller.

5 1 vote
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Oh—semen

When I was in high school, I was pretty quiet around people who weren’t my friends. The high school’s wrestling coach also taught geometry, and he was my teacher. This resulted in a lot of wrestlers skipping class and barging into our classroom to hang out and not get in trouble. One day, seven wrestlers come in yelling about new wrestling uniforms, and how excited they were.

When they go over and pull out the uniforms, the whole class is kind of side eyeing them. Even without what I mention next, the suits look funny. I mean, it’s tight royal blue Spandex with a suspender style top. Absolutely funny already.

But the wrestlers grab the uniforms and rush out of the room to go change in the bathroom, and come back to show them off. Which, is also hysterical because Spandex hides NOTHING; you could see all of their junk.

Anyway, we live in a town called Ocean City. It’s commonly abbreviated as “OC”. On the back of the Spandex uniform, it says Ocean City Men in large letters. Except… they used the abbreviation. On the back, it says OC MEN. Which isn’t awful, but then I sound it out in my head. OC MEN. Oh—semen. I almost spit out the water I was drinking.

I looked around frantically, trying to find out who I can tell, because I didn’t have any friends to tell in this class. I turn to the girl next to me, and I had no idea who she was and had never talked to her before. I told her what I found and we both cracked up.

The whole time she saw me as the quiet teacher’s pet who was shy as hell. The first words out of my mouth were “It says oh semen.”

We’ve been best friends for 7 years now.

4 1 vote
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An excruciatingly drawn-out golden shower

This one drunk girl had a fetish of getting pissed on. There was a circle of guys just pissing on her I kinda noped right out of the party.

Bonus from attending that party after I noped out I met my ex and had the best sex life I’ve ever had for the next 6 months.

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Two guys walked into a bar

Two guys walked into a bar.

The third guy ducked.

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Want to hear a joke about a roof?

Want to hear a joke about a roof?

The first one’s on the house.

5 1 vote
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Why did the chicken go to jail?

Q: Why did the chicken go to jail?
A: Because he was using fowl language

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Why should you never trust stairs?

Why should you never trust stairs?

They’re always up to something.

4 1 vote
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I started a new job as a tailor last week

I started a new job as a tailor last week.

It’s been sew-sew.

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Why was the math book always worried?

Q: Why was the math book always worried?
A: Because it had so many problems.

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Wears a Hockey Mask Everywhere

Suit #1: Then Paul* just totally lost it, and threw his cellphone at Dave*.
Suit #2: My god! What was he thinking?
Suit #1: I don’t think Dave minded that much. He’s Canadian.

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Which is faster, heat or cold?

Q: Which is faster, heat or cold?
A: Heat, because you can catch a cold.

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