FEATURED: Best Stories and Jokes That Are Guaranteed to Make You Laugh

Why did the tomato turn red?

Why did the tomato turn red?

It saw the salad dressing.

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
What do dentists call their x-rays?

What do dentists call their x-rays?

Tooth pics!

5 1 vote
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Can We Just Agree That Suits Are a Bad Idea in the Summer?

20-something suit #1: No undershirt?
20-something suit #2: The undershirt will just make me hotter.
20-something suit #1: Dude, you should wear an undershirt so you don’t sweat like a fat ho at the Ponderosa.

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
How much space will be freed in the EU after Brexit?

How much space will be freed in the EU after Brexit?

Approximately 1 GB.

5 1 vote
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Why was the gossip disliked at the coffee shop?

Why was the gossip disliked at the coffee shop?

She always spilled the tea.

4 1 vote
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
What do you call a religious person who sleepwalks?

What do you call a religious person who sleepwalks?

A roamin’ Catholic.

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Naked gator wrestling

Obligatory not a doctor, but this is my friend’s dad’s favorite story (He was an ER doc): There was a frat house that had a pet alligator in a large aquarium. (I’m sure this was against their university’s policy, but that’s besides the point.) One drunken frat boy for whatever reason decided to get in the tank with the gator naked.

The gator apparently didn’t take too well to this and bit him in a rather sensitive area. He was too embarrassed to explain the source of his injury to a doctor so he waited three days and by then it had become infected. I believe the guy now qualifies for a Darwin Award…

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Lotion boy

One time in my chemistry class, while the teacher was talking, this guy asked loudly, “Does anyone have any lotion?” The teacher stopped talking as some girl gave him some hand lotion.

The guy proceeds to slowly rub the lotion on his face as the whole class watches him in confusion.

The teacher asks him what he’s doing, and he responds with “I forgot to moisturize this morning” and puts even more on his face.

The teacher asks him to go to the hall to finish his moisturizing because he’s being a distraction, and after about 10 minutes he still hasn’t come back in, so someone opens the door to check and he’s still smearing lotion all over his face. He finally comes back in and hands the girl her lotion, and he’s used up half of it. Now people call him lotion boy.

5 1 vote
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
I can never take my dog to the park because the ducks keep trying to bite him

I can never take my dog to the park because the ducks keep trying to bite him.

I guess that’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Why was the dad sitting on a pack of playing cards?

Why was the dad sitting on a pack of playing cards?

His kid asked him to sit on the deck.

4 1 vote
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Little thief

When I was around four or five I was with my mom at this store buying some Christmas gifts. as we were leaving I saw these little plushy dinosaurs that fit perfectly in my hands. I grabbed two of them and stashed one in each of my pockets. my pockets were so small that they made me look like I had two rumors on each of my hips. I still remember the rush of energy I got from actually leaving the store undetected. well, when my mom and I got to the car, she found them and called the store back and made me apologize. I had the absolute worst social anxiety when I was a kid so I was a absolutely sobbing, telling this poor employee how horrible a person I was. like I was having a mental breakdown, it was so bad my mom apologized to me afterwards and bought me a nice milkshake!

5 1 vote
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
My mom’s thong

One day when I was 3 I decided I wanted to be like my mom and wear “big girl” panties. I sneakily went through her drawer and grabbed the first thing I could find – a thong (I didn’t know what it was at the time). She didn’t know until we went to breakfast with some friends and took me to the bathroom. She still won’t let me live it down!

5 1 vote
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
A horrible, awful happenstance

College. Guy goes upstairs to pass out. Girl is already in the bed of his choosing. Amazing sex sounds.

 

Morning after, horrible screaming. Guy and Girl turn out to be siblings.

4 1 vote
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
The fake report card

I failed the first quarter of a class in middle school, so I made a fake report card.

I did this every quarter that year.

I forgot that they mail home the end-of-year cards, and my mom got it before I could intercept with my fake.

She was PISSED—at the school for their error.

The teacher also retired that year and had already thrown out his records, so they had to take my mother’s “proof” (the fake ones I made throughout the year) and “correct” the “mistake.” I’ve never told her the truth.

5 1 vote
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Subscribe
Notify of
guest

0 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x