In fifth grade, my teacher loathed me. She would do anything to make me cry and sent me to the
I was outside pissing in some nice bushes when I look up and holy fuck.. Aurora Borealis! Living in Washington
Which bear is the most condescending? A pan-duh!
Q: Why did the man take his clock to the vet?A: Because it had ticks
So I was always the person who’d try to leave class really fast so I wouldn’t always being paying attention
I used to play a game called Phantasy Star Universe and I would be my own pimp AND my own
Why was the cow such a heartthrob on the farm? He was a s-moo-th talker.
Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands. (I love this joke because it never grows old.)
So there’s this really hot kid in my creative writing class. And everyone knows I like him. But one day,
One of my best friends was thrown out of a window naked while having sex with a girl.