Jokes to Get a Laugh

A Bic pen up the ass

Not a doctor but I was an orderly at a mental institution once, a guy came up and asked for help removing a Bic pen from his ass.

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Holy cow!

A pair of cows were talking in the field.

One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”

“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”

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The Collar I Bought Will Fit Either

14-year-old girl #1: I wish I had a boyfriend.
14-year-old girl #2: Yeah, me too… Well, either a boyfriend or a puppy.

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Don’t They Know They Can’t Jump?

Teen kid #1: Yo white people have too much free time to do stupid shit.
Teen kid #2: Yeah, I know: like jump off 30-story buildings, like those two kids.
Teen kid #1: Yeah, I once saw this white guy who tried to jump over a car and got split in two, like the car was coming at him, and he tried to jump, but it hit him and split him in two pieces right down the middle.
Teen kid #2: For real, you saw that happen?
Teen kid #1: Yeah.
Teen kid #2: Like in person, you saw it happen?
Teen kid #1: Yeah, I saw it happen in person on TV last night.

5 1 vote
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What concert only costs 45 cents?

What concert only costs 45 cents?

50 Cent featuring Nickleback.

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My mom’s thong

One day when I was 3 I decided I wanted to be like my mom and wear “big girl” panties. I sneakily went through her drawer and grabbed the first thing I could find – a thong (I didn’t know what it was at the time). She didn’t know until we went to breakfast with some friends and took me to the bathroom. She still won’t let me live it down!

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Which bear is the most condescending?

Which bear is the most condescending?

A pan-duh!

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Where should you go in the room if you’re feeling cold?

Where should you go in the room if you’re feeling cold?

The corner—they’re usually 90 degrees.

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Do you want to hear a construction joke?

Do you want to hear a construction joke?

Sorry, I’m still working on it.

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As it turns out, I am gay:

When I was around 9 years old I was starting to get confused about my sexuality so I would always look up “Are You Gay” quizzes on our family computer because I was scared and confused, and my mom eventually saw the searches in the history and confronted me about it. I lied about it and said I had accidentally clicked an ad. As it turns out, I am gay.

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