I saw a guy run out of a party and tackle a cop off a horse.
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
Because he had no body to go with.
Why did the bullet end up losing his job?
He got fired.
Older black man: How’s you mother?
20-something white man: She died in January.
Older black man: I’m very sorry to hear that.
20-something white man: Thanks. She left me her rent-controlled apartment!
My wife accused me the other day of being too immature.
I told her there were no girls allowed in my fort.
Since my crush sits behind me in class, when we stood up to do the pledge I stood up too fast and I stumbled over to him so to not fall on the ground I reached to grab his desk but I accidentally GRABBED HIM and I ended up falling on top of him and we both screamed.
Luckily I didn’t hurt or crush him. My teacher and everyone else started laughing and I got so red afterwards. Now when we stand up for the pledge, he moves all the way to the back of the room away from me…
Why won’t skeletons fight each other?
They just don’t have the guts.
Girl: God, it’s getting so cold! I should’ve brought my winter coat!
Guy: You don’t need a coat, you need a hot man to warm you up.
Girl: I need that, too…but I’d start with a coat.
Q: What do you call cheese that’s not your cheese? / A: Nacho cheese.
Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?
Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan.