GOOD NOTES: Funny Posts for Today

A Roman legionnaire walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says

A Roman legionnaire walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says, “Five beers, please.”

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Where was the dripping coming from in the fridge?

Where was the dripping coming from in the fridge?

The leeks.

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Where does a waitress with only one leg work?

Where does a waitress with only one leg work?

IHOP.

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My wife accused me the other day of being too immature

My wife accused me the other day of being too immature.

I told her there were no girls allowed in my fort.

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Tooth lodged in the ear canal

My brother had lost a baby tooth. He was lying on the couch watching TV playing with the tooth in his fingers above his head. He dropped the tooth and it fell directly into his ear canal.

After trying to get it out himself with his fingers he only pushed it deeper in. My father took him to the hospital to get it extracted. The doctor said he had never seen a case of a tooth lodged into an ear canal.

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Virtual-reality self-prostitution

I used to play a game called Phantasy Star Universe and I would be my own pimp AND my own hoe. I had my main account (let’s call him Dudeman) and my hoe account (let’s call her Galchick). so there was like the main floor area and people would like try to sell nudes for money (in-game, not IRL) and I was like “nobody actually does that… do they?” so I made Galchick and I took off her clothes so she was in her underwear, and then I said ONE thing on the main floor and some guy took the bait right away. he invited me back to his house and I was like “omg I’m sorry, I’m new to this! how do you transfer money?” and he did it to show me how… and then he asked for my character to teabag his and moan into the mic, and I was like a 15 year old boy, so instead… I just blocked him and took the money. that’s when I realized my one, true calling. I did it for months and I’d transfer the money from Galchick to Dudeman and all my friends wondered how I had super good gear. I miss that game everyday…

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Why don’t blind people skydive?

Why don’t blind people skydive?

Because it scares their dogs

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Slappy trails

One time in fifth grade, I was walking back to class from the bathroom. Before I continue, I should specify two things.

1. My classroom was literally just around the corner from the bathroom, next to the lockers.

2. There was a boy that I had a crush on for the past year in my class.

Now for whatever reason, I was swinging my arms around in a wild half-windmill motion. Don’t ask me why, I was just filled with child-like glee I guess. So there I was, swinging my arms dramatically, then just when I got to the corner…

SMACK.

I had accidentally slapped someone in the face. It took me a second to realize who it was: my crush.

I was mortified, but he just started laughing. To this day I can probably cite that as one of my top clumsy/socially inept moments.

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What do you call an attractive fruit?

Q: What do you call an attractive fruit? / A: A fine-apple.

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Do you want to hear a construction joke?

Do you want to hear a construction joke?

Sorry, I’m still working on it.

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