Jokes for Friends and Family

Where should you go in the room if you’re feeling cold?

Where should you go in the room if you’re feeling cold?

The corner—they’re usually 90 degrees.

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Gay teacher

So about a year ago we had to do a speech about something we were passionate about. These would then be recorded to put on the school website. I decided to do one about gay rights as it was not yet legalized in my state. I decided to mention that I was gay during the speech, which wasn’t that much of a surprise to people. In the end it went really well.

Then a couple of hours later, during lunch I was walking past the staffroom to get to the lunch hall when I heard my speech being played, being curious I stopped and I heard them replay “I am gay myself actually” a couple of times over. Out of the corner I could see my 6th grade teacher give my computer studies teacher 10 dollars. Then suddenly, I sneezed really loudly, the teachers turned around and saw me standing there.

My 6th grade teacher has pretty much gotten over it but my computer studies teacher refuses to make eye contact with me.

4 1 vote
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?

Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?

Of course! The Empire State Building can’t jump.

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
What did the accountant say while auditing a document?

What did the accountant say while auditing a document?

This is taxing.

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?

Q. Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?

A. Because he always has a great fall.

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
“Fairy” is a Much More Polite Slur

Boy #1: Hey mom, is…is chicken meat?
Boy #2: No, dumbass, it’s a fruit.
Mother: Hush now! I don’t want to hear that language!

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Weed birthday

Last year, during class, my algebra teacher let us listen to music while we did our classwork and whatnot. So, I was just jamming, being super confused on this one problem and I look up from my paper to ask my friend how to do it and EVERYONE is intensely looking back and forth between me and another girl with their fingers on their noses. As you can imagine, I was super confused. So, naturally, I also put my finger on my nose. Everybody yelled “OHHHHHHHHHH” and turns out, it was a “nose goes” thing and the other girl had to ask the teacher if she’d ever smoked weed on her birthday because it was 4/20…

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
This is what happens when your drunk friend confuses your house with your neighbor’s

Invite a friend over to drink late night, 10 min later he calls us saying he’s in the living room. He’s nowhere to be found, look outside to see two cop cars and his car in the neighbor’s driveway.

Turns out he walked into my friends neighbors house piss drunk asking where we were at like 2 a.m .

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Why should you never tell a taco a secret?

Q. Why should you never tell a taco a secret?

A. Because they tend to spill the beans.

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
I started a new job as a tailor last week

I started a new job as a tailor last week.

It’s been sew-sew.

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Why do you smear peanut butter in the road?

Q: Why do you smear peanut butter in the road? / A: To go with the traffic jam.

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Two windmills are standing on a wind farm. One asks, ‘What’s your favorite kind of music?’

Two windmills are standing on a wind farm. One asks, ‘What’s your favorite kind of music?’

The other replies, ‘I’m a big metal fan.’

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Q: Why did the banana go to the hospital? / A: He was peeling really bad.

4 1 vote
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
I never got to eat my Pringles

Okay, so this was in fourth grade, and I was in this class with all these dumbass kids.

Here’s the back story: My parents usually pack me fruit for a snack, but on this day they packed me like half of the leftover Pringles from the day before, you know, in that cylinder container. I was really excited since I LOVE PRINGLES. But when recess came around so I could take MY Pringles and go eat it outside, they weren’t in my bag. I started scoping the area, trying to find my Pringles. I call the teacher, she tries to find them but she can’t either. Than this thought comes to my mind—What if MOIRA STOLE IT?

Moira was this chubby girl in my class that literally ALWAYS wore this purple princess dress that should be classified as a bad Halloween costume (seriously) and was known for being a bitch.

Being the judgmental 9-10 year old I was, I straight out concluded that she must’ve stolen my damn Pringles. I just tell my teacher, “Well too bad, I’ll just go out for recess now. It was just PRINGLES.” Being a little angel. So I stomp out of the class and start searching for Moira. I’m talking checking areas, finding witnesses, wasting my time. So after a solid 10 minutes, I find a group of these kids crowded at the side of one of the portable classrooms. I rush over to see what it is. The kids were eating Pringles. Barbecue flavored Pringles. MY PRINGLES. I start raging as I smack the Pringles out of the kids’ hands and start ripping people away from the main source. And in the middle of all the kids, sat a smug looking MOIRA with my PRINGLES. I look all mad and rip the BLOODY EMPTY CONTAINER OF PRINGLES OUT OF THE DAMN BITCH’S FILTHY HANDS. By now even dumbass Moira knows what’s up, she’s a goner. I would’ve murdered her at the very least, but a supervisor saw us and ran over.

Moira was forced to apologize and I was forced to accept her damn apology.

I never got to eat my Pringles.

To this day I’m sure she fears my cold dead hands, ready to rip her lying face off.

4 1 vote
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Subscribe
Notify of
guest

0 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x