Jokes to share with coworkers

Trimming the “hedges”

Male 20’s, comes [in] with horrific gashes and lacerations to his upper thighs and front of groin. After a little prompting, reveals that he was doing the lawn, saw a hedge that needed trimming, and just thought to himself, ‘Why get another cutting tool while I’ve got one right here?’ And lifts the mower up and uses it. Predictably, drops it on his front, gets sliced up, comes to hospital.

A few hours pass…maybe 6 or so, and another patient, male late 20’s comes up to theatre with EXACTLY the same injury. After more prompting, he reveals he was driving home from work, saw some guy using his lawnmower to trim hedges (turns out it was the FIRST guy!) and thought, ‘Well, shit, that looks like a fantastic idea!’ Goes home, and has the same thing happen. Hah! You may now all begin with the ‘trimming the hedge’ jokes.

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
What do you call a fake noodle?

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta.

5 1 vote
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Woke up to his toilet broken in half

My friend threw a party in his dorm our freshman year.

We woke up in the morning and his toilet was split in half, straight down the middle. No one knows how it happened.

Luckily, he just put in a maintenance request and didn’t pay a dime for it.

4 1 vote
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Some Judge Judy Will Take Care of That

Guy: I want to put a flat screen in my bathroom.

Girl: Interesting…

Guy: Maybe I would actually take baths if I had something else to watch other than my penis floating.

4 1 vote
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
I couldn’t believe the highway department called my dad a thief

I couldn’t believe the highway department called my dad a thief.

But when I got home, the signs were all there.

4 1 vote
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
A Roman legionnaire walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says

A Roman legionnaire walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says, “Five beers, please.”

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
A Bic pen up the ass

Not a doctor but I was an orderly at a mental institution once, a guy came up and asked for help removing a Bic pen from his ass.

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
A banana that has seen it all

Two girls screwed each other simultaneously with a banana (one on each end) at a party while a bunch of guys stood around and cheered. The next morning, some hung-over guy actually ate that brown, bruised, sticky banana.

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
What concert only costs 45 cents?

What concert only costs 45 cents?

50 Cent featuring Nickleback.

4 1 vote
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Did you hear about the carrot detective?

Did you hear about the carrot detective?

He always got to the root of every case.

3 1 vote
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?

There was nothing left but de Brie

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Why do they serve yogurt at museums?

Q. Why do they serve yogurt at museums?

A. Because it’s cultured.

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Also Because You’re Wearing Short-shorts and Rollerskates

Teenage boy #1: All I’m saying is it’s false advertising. If you suck dick, you should say you suck dick.
Teenage boy #2: But then everyone will think you’re a fag.
Teenage boy #3: No, no way. You’re telling me that just because I meet a guy whose dick I want to suck, people will think I’m a fag?

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

4 1 vote
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
What did Mr. and Mrs. Hamburger name their daughter?

Q. What did Mr. and Mrs. Hamburger name their daughter? 

A. Patty!

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Subscribe
Notify of
guest

0 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x