Jokes That Are Guaranteed to Make You Laugh

Why couldn’t the couple respond right away when looking at wedding venues?

Why couldn’t the couple respond right away when looking at wedding venues?

They were engaged.

4 1 vote
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Already Taken Care Of

Clerk #1: Did you know that there are a whole bunch of copies of Atlas Shrugged in the Bestsellers section?
Clerk #2: Yeah.
Clerk #1: Is it okay if I pee on them?

5 1 vote
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What did the accountant say while auditing a document?

What did the accountant say while auditing a document?

This is taxing.

0 0 votes
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An overall bad decision in retrospect

Went to a house party freshman year of high school in Europe. It was this rich girls apartment in a pretty high building (10-12 stories). She lived on the top floor of this building and after getting drunk and a little high (towelie style), I started feeling pretty confident in myself. She had a small balcony and it was next to her neighbors balcony which was about a 2 meter gap of nothing all the way down in between. In my drunken stupor I decided that moment would be the first time I said “hold my beer”. I stood up on the handrail and jumped across to the other balcony and back completely drunk. The second jump back really put how high up I was into perspective when I looked down at the middle of the jump. Landed safely but god that could’ve ended poorly.

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The first rule of the Alzheimer’s club is…

The first rule of the Alzheimer’s club is…

Wait, where are we again?

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Why did the kid throw a stick of butter out the window?

Q: Why did the kid throw a stick of butter out the window? / A: To see butter-fly.

4 1 vote
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Takes Time to Get Used to the Vestigial Tail, Though

Girl: Why do you like her so much?

Guy: She’s just so weird-looking!

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Was duly reprimanded for illegal hot dog selling

I was issued a citation for illegally selling hot dogs, during which I was tripping on acid.

EDIT: To be fair, I was illegally selling hot dogs to cabbies and it was blocking traffic.

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What’s either a really gross animal issue OR an impressive, magical school?

What’s either a really gross animal issue OR an impressive, magical school?

Hogwarts.

5 1 vote
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How much teddy bears never want to eat anything?

How much teddy bears never want to eat anything?

Because they’re always stuffed.

0 0 votes
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