Jokes That Are Guaranteed to Make You Laugh

The sky was looking ominous so I asked Siri, โ€œSurely, itโ€™s not going to rain today?โ€

The sky was looking ominous so I askedย Siri, โ€œSurely, itโ€™s not going to rain today?โ€

And she replied, โ€œYes it is, and donโ€™t call me Shirley.โ€

That was when I realized Iโ€™d left my phone on Airplane mode.

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I tried to win a suntanning competition

I tried to win a suntanning competition.

But all I got was bronze.

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What part of the museum makes everyone sneeze?

What part of the museum makes everyone sneeze?

The sta-tues.

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Takes Time to Get Used to the Vestigial Tail, Though

Girl: Why do you like her so much?

Guy: Sheโ€™s just so weird-looking!

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Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon?

Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon?

It had great food, but no atmosphere.

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I took the shell off of my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster

I took the shell off of my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster.

But if anything, it made him more sluggish.

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What did the dishwasher say to the oven after a productive day?

What did the dishwasher say to the oven after a productive day?

โ€œYouโ€™ve been on fire!โ€

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A girl who lost all inhibitions

One of my friends and I were at a house party. She drank 8 shots of tequila one right after the other and then proceeded to have bareback anal sex on the front lawn while everyone watched. Not one of her finest moments. Sheโ€™s a Mormon now, apparently.

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How many tickles does it take to get an octopus to laugh?

How many tickles does it take to get an octopus to laugh?

Ten tickles

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Where do wasps like to get lunch?

Where do wasps like to get lunch?

A bee-stro.

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