How did the dad prank his daughter using fake dog poop on April Fools Day?
He told her to look out for her new sham-poo in the shower.
Q: What did the cupcake tell its frosting? / A: I’d be muffin without you.
Invite a friend over to drink late night, 10 min later he calls us saying he’s in the living room. He’s nowhere to be found, look outside to see two cop cars and his car in the neighbor’s driveway.
Turns out he walked into my friends neighbors house piss drunk asking where we were at like 2 a.m .
Q: Why was the math book always worried?
A: Because it had so many problems.
What part of the museum makes everyone sneeze?
Q: Why did the kid throw a stick of butter out the window? / A: To see butter-fly.
What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste, mostly.
Why do melons have weddings?
Because they cantaloupe.
Did you hear about the carrot detective?
He always got to the root of every case.
I’ve been trying to make a sarcastic club, but it’s been really hard to tell if people are interested in joining or not.