Jokes That Will Have the Whole Family Laughing

Why couldn’t the couple respond right away when looking at wedding venues?

Why couldn’t the couple respond right away when looking at wedding venues?

They were engaged.

4 1 vote
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Tooth lodged in the ear canal

My brother had lost a baby tooth. He was lying on the couch watching TV playing with the tooth in his fingers above his head. He dropped the tooth and it fell directly into his ear canal.

After trying to get it out himself with his fingers he only pushed it deeper in. My father took him to the hospital to get it extracted. The doctor said he had never seen a case of a tooth lodged into an ear canal.

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field

As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field.

But hay, it’s in my jeans.

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Ow, my shit!

When I was a kid, I was always excited to learn new vocabulary. When I was in first grade, my teacher taught me that “shin” was another word for leg.

Later that day, I was walking with my mom, when I tripped and hit my leg on the ground really hard. I yelled out “OW, MY SHIN” although my mom heard “OW, MY SHIT.” She started yelling about how that was a bad word and we didn’t say that word, and she was going to wash my mouth out with soap. I was a crying, bawling mess of a child, to the point I was doing that weird cry, stutter, hiccup noise. She paused in berating me and said “Who taught you that word?!” Of course, I told the truth and said “M-m-my teacher t-t-t-taught me that word!” and she started ranting about how she was going to call the school and get that teacher yelled at.

I tried to explain, “T-te-teacher said that shin meant leg I’m SO SORRY ILL N-N-NE-ne-never say it again.” My mom got quiet and realized her mistake. “…What did you say?”

Of course I started crying harder and I said “NO it’s just a test you’re going to wash my mouth out with soap again.”

When I finally calmed down enough to say it again, my mom apologized and to this day I always say “shin” loudly just to see her face blush.

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Why are frogs always so happy?

Why are frogs always so happy?

They eat whatever bugs them.

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
What did the dishwasher say to the oven after a productive day?

What did the dishwasher say to the oven after a productive day?

“You’ve been on fire!”

5 1 vote
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Want to hear a joke about construction?

Want to hear a joke about construction?

I’m still working on it.

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
The old timer Joke: The old and a Kid

An old timer was sitting in his rocking chair on his front portch when a kid comes walking by with something in his hands.

The old timer asks the kid, “Hey son. Whatcha got there?”

The kid replies, “I got me some chicken wire. I’m gonna catch me some chickens.”

The old timer responds, “Oh son, you can’t catch no chickens with chicken wire.”

A short time later the old timer sees the kid come back with a bunch of flapping chickens all caught up in the chicken wire.

“Well, I’ll be…'” says the old timer scratching his head.

The next day the kid comes walking past the old timer. This time he has something round and gray in his hands.

The old timer shouts out to the kid, “Hey kid, whatcha got in your hands this time?”

The kid responds, “I got me some duct tape. I’m gonna catch me some ducks.”

The old timer laughs, “Son, you can’t catch no ducks using duct tape.”

A short time later the kid comes back with a bunch of ducks caught-up and quacking in the duct tape.”

The old man cannot believe his eyes.

The next day the kid comes walking past the old timer, again with something in hs hands.

The old timer shouts out to the kid, “Hey kid, whatcha got in your hands today?”

The kid shouts back to the old timer, “I got me some pussy willow.”

The old timer shouts out, “Hold on son…while I get my hat!”

3 1 vote
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Her mom showed up

My mom showed up.

I was at a party across the street and a couple houses down from where I lived. I was mature for my age so I was at a party filled with 19-20 year olds while I was a 14y/o girl. Well one of my friends who was living with me at the time came up to me, “Sam! Your mom is here!” So I was so scared of her getting mad at me, so I start smoking a cigarette to cover up my beer breath and hopefully block out the smell of weed. I went to the back yard where the older adults were sitting by the fire and there my mom was. Shit-faced doing jell-O shots. She yelled for me to come sit on her lap and she handed me a cup of jell-O. That was the first time I did a jell-O shot. Thanks mom.

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
A fight over a girl turned fatal

Two guys fought over a homely girl. One later pulled a knife one the other (while he was asleep) and stabbed him through the neck.

Stabber(BAC of around .3 iirc, has no memory of the event) did 15 years in jail, stabee had a blood clot, lead to stroke, lead to debilitating brain damage. Took him about 10 years to recover his mental faculties.

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Subscribe
Notify of
guest

0 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x