I’ve been trying to make a sarcastic club, but it’s been really hard to tell if people are interested in joining or not.
Invite a friend over to drink late night, 10 min later he calls us saying he’s in the living room. He’s nowhere to be found, look outside to see two cop cars and his car in the neighbor’s driveway.
Turns out he walked into my friends neighbors house piss drunk asking where we were at like 2 a.m .
Q: Why did the man take his clock to the vet?
A: Because it had ticks
Q. Why do they serve yogurt at museums?
A. Because it’s cultured.
My whole class once got detention because I drew a penis with a glue stick on the whiteboard and when the teacher went to wipe off the board all the fluff came off and stuck to the glue.
I never got in trouble for it because my whole class found it too funny to tell the teacher it was me.
Guy #1: Dude, they should have a phone where you just say 92454.
Guy #2: Man, they already have that.
Guy #1: Yeah, but without numbers.
Guy #2: Stupid.
Guy #1: They should also have a video phone, so you can see who you’re talking to.
Guy #2: They already have that.
Guy #1: Man, technology is good. But it’s also stupid…Technology is going to destroy us.
Why did the bullet end up losing his job?
He got fired.
What kind of shape may have been knighted?
Q: What do you call cheese that’s not your cheese? / A: Nacho cheese.
Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay?
Because then they’d be bagels.