Penile fracture. It’s a real thing. Usually occurs during girl-on-top or ‘doggy-style’ positions when the penis slips out of the vagina and forcefully strikes the pubic bone of the partner. Though it is referred to as a ‘fracture,’ it’s more of a rupture of the tunic surrounding the erectile bodies.
It’s a surgical emergency and failure to investigate and repair the defect may result in lifelong erectile dysfunction or missed concomitant injuries to the urethra. Despite the urgency, one patient I saw was adamant that he injured himself while roofing his home in the middle of the night
Why was the ghost so tired?
He worked the graveyard shift.
Q. Why should you never tell a taco a secret?
A. Because they tend to spill the beans.
What do you call a fake noodle?
So when I was younger, my aunt was kind enough to invite me to come along with her to Chicago for my cousin’s paintball tournament. I had never been to Chicago before, so naturally I had to go see the big city.
Just like any other girl, I wanted to get all dolled up before walking around in front of people. I wore an extremely soft red dress that I was in love with, and some wedges.
One thing that Chicago has plenty of is vents, and I ignored them because the ones in my city are never on. This was a mistake, because I just so happened to walk over one that was on. Only to be met with steam hot enough to burn leg hair off, and my dress being blown up to my neck around hundreds of other people.
My mom had a guy bring his son in with a penny in his nose. No problem, popped it out. Couple minutes later, gets a call that someone had a penny in nose. She says, no, I already took care of that. They insisted there was someone with a penny in his nose. Went out to check, there was the very same sheepish dad with a penny up HIS nose. ‘I just wanted to see how he did it…’ was his explanation.
Q: What do you call a fake noodle? / A: An im-pasta.
Girl tourist #1: Oh my gosh, look at what that guy is wearing!
Girl tourist #2: Ew. Blue jacket, striped shirt, black pants, brown shoes with no socks. That’s terrible.
Girl tourist #1: Yeah, but, he can do that, right?
Girl tourist #2: Uh, no. Hello, nobody can get away with that.
Girl tourist #1: But, no, he can do that because he’s, like, really from New York.
What do you call a toothless bear?
A gummy bear!
What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make?
If the early bird gets the worm,
I’ll sleep in until there’s pancakes.
What washes up on very small beaches?
I started a new job as a tailor last week.
It’s been sew-sew.
My wife accused me the other day of being too immature.
I told her there were no girls allowed in my fort.
What do you call a religious person who sleepwalks?
A roamin’ Catholic.