FEATURED: Stories and Jokes That Are Guaranteed to Make You Laugh

What kind of car does a sheep like to drive?

What kind of car does a sheep like to drive?

A lamborghini.

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Classic foreign exchange student move

The foreign exchange student from Sweden took too much MDMA and ended up dancing in the living room with his pants and briefs pulled down.

There he was, in the living room of a massive party, with his tiny little dick swaying back and forth. He was kicked out, and kept coming back dancing with his pants at his ankles.

He came back the next day to apologize; it was his first week being a foreign exchange student at our school. Yes, a meme was made.

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Where do snowmen keep their savings?

Where do snowmen keep their savings?

In the snowbank.

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Why was the ghost so tired?

Why was the ghost so tired?

He worked the graveyard shift.

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Why didn’t the teddy bear eat dessert?

Q: Why didn’t the teddy bear eat dessert? / A: He was stuffed.

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Two guys walked into a bar

Two guys walked into a bar.

The third guy ducked.

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Gay teacher

So about a year ago we had to do a speech about something we were passionate about. These would then be recorded to put on the school website. I decided to do one about gay rights as it was not yet legalized in my state. I decided to mention that I was gay during the speech, which wasn’t that much of a surprise to people. In the end it went really well.

Then a couple of hours later, during lunch I was walking past the staffroom to get to the lunch hall when I heard my speech being played, being curious I stopped and I heard them replay “I am gay myself actually” a couple of times over. Out of the corner I could see my 6th grade teacher give my computer studies teacher 10 dollars. Then suddenly, I sneezed really loudly, the teachers turned around and saw me standing there.

My 6th grade teacher has pretty much gotten over it but my computer studies teacher refuses to make eye contact with me.

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The toilet phase

When I was younger, around 3 or 4 years old, I had a phase of flushing things down the toilet. I would flush McDonald’s toys I didn’t want anymore or change I had found in my room. the biggest and most hilarious thing I ever dumped was a gallon of milk. one day I was bored and was looking around in the fridge low and behold there it was, a new gallon of milk. my tiny body dragged the bottle on the floor all the way to the bathroom. I opened the cap, let it go into the toilet, and flushed. I thought I was smart enough to let it go unnoticed but I’ll never forget what my dad yelled out when he walked in. “why in the hell is the water white?!“ my mom found the empty carton and just stared at me.

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The Bouncer Made Them Wait Two Hours

Bimbette tourist: Oh my god! What’s that? It looks like a cool, underground club or secret hideout.
Friend: Um, that’s the entrance to the subway.

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Why did the cowboy get a wiener dog?

Why did the cowboy get a wiener dog?

He wanted to get a long little doggie.

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Eighth grade games

So when I was in the eighth grade, science class was the most boring hours of my life. Everyone would play games on their computers (we used computers to take notes) but would play them in a super sneaky manner (volume down, looking at the board so it looks like you’re taking notes, etc.). I wasn’t one for playing games during class but I was soooo bored…so I searched up Pac-Man on Google and started playing (I didn’t know what else to play).

So I started playing and just my luck I didn’t check how high my volume was….IT WAS ALL THE WAY UP. I started panicking because the game noises were excruciatingly loud. I kept playing and got eaten by a ghost almost after I pressed the start button (my hands were shaking like crazy)….my strict science teacher looked me straight in the eye..

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I told my doctor I heard buzzing

I told my doctor I heard buzzing,

but he said it’s just a bug going around.

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Want to hear a joke about construction?

Want to hear a joke about construction?

I’m still working on it.

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Someone stole my mood ring yesterday

Someone stole my mood ring yesterday.

I still don’t know how I feel about that.

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Why did the man take his clock to the vet?

Q: Why did the man take his clock to the vet?
A: Because it had ticks

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