Jokes for Teens

Which bear is the most condescending?

Which bear is the most condescending?

A pan-duh!

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Girls Will Do Anything for a Free Makeover

Girl #1: I just don’t know what he sees in me.
Girl #2: Maybe the same thing you see in him.
Girl #1: Well, I like him because his dad’s a mortician.

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Gay teacher

So about a year ago we had to do a speech about something we were passionate about. These would then be recorded to put on the school website. I decided to do one about gay rights as it was not yet legalized in my state. I decided to mention that I was gay during the speech, which wasn’t that much of a surprise to people. In the end it went really well.

Then a couple of hours later, during lunch I was walking past the staffroom to get to the lunch hall when I heard my speech being played, being curious I stopped and I heard them replay “I am gay myself actually” a couple of times over. Out of the corner I could see my 6th grade teacher give my computer studies teacher 10 dollars. Then suddenly, I sneezed really loudly, the teachers turned around and saw me standing there.

My 6th grade teacher has pretty much gotten over it but my computer studies teacher refuses to make eye contact with me.

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What do you call a dog with no legs?

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn’t matter, it’s not going to come anyway.

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Well, What Do I Know about Foreign Capitals?

Hipster boy: That’s why they call this the windy city?

Hipster girl: This isn’t the windy city — that’s Seattle!

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Why was the gossip disliked at the coffee shop?

Why was the gossip disliked at the coffee shop?

She always spilled the tea.

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I couldn’t believe the highway department called my dad a thief

I couldn’t believe the highway department called my dad a thief.

But when I got home, the signs were all there.

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I told my doctor I heard buzzing

I told my doctor I heard buzzing,

but he said it’s just a bug going around.

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Was duly reprimanded for illegal hot dog selling

I was issued a citation for illegally selling hot dogs, during which I was tripping on acid.

EDIT: To be fair, I was illegally selling hot dogs to cabbies and it was blocking traffic.

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Coca-Cola disaster

A couple years ago my friends and I were going to see a movie in the theatre at the mall. Instead of paying the ridiculous movie theatre prices for pop and candy, we decided to go to target to buy some stuff. This was when Coca Cola started to put people’s names on their bottles. My friend told me she had seen a bottle with my name on it inside this bin of Coke. I was weirdly excited since I hadn’t gotten one with my name on it yet. After I had bought the drink, I opened inside target, and it exploded EVERYWHERE. The pop was at least five or six feet in diameter. I watched as people passed the mess and made looks of disgust. Imagine if I had opened it inside of the theatre…

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Why does a chicken Coop only have two doors?

Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?

Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan.

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What kind of shorts do clouds wear?

What kind of shorts do clouds wear?

Thunderpants

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How bugs feel

When I was about 5/6 my mom and stepdad bought my sister and I bikes for Easter. After church they were like “do you wanna learn how to ride them?” And I was like??? Duh?? I had finally gotten the hang of it and I was riding around the circle showing off, and my mom was like “say cheese” so I look over at her for a second and I FUCKING RAM INTO A CAR AT FULL SPEED. A parked car that I didn’t even see, like at all, so I just rammed into this car and I fell off my bike and I was crying and all I could think about was “this must be how bugs feel” like they’re flying around living life and then SPLAT. Looking back that was my first existential crisis

5 1 vote
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What did one ocean say to the other ocean?

What did one ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing, it just waved.

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What do frogs use to track their exercise?

What do frogs use to track their exercise?

Fit (rib)bits.

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