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Drama at my drama class

One time my drama class’s teacher had gone home sick so we were just put in a classroom with a movie to entertain us for the period when an alarm went off. None of us were sure if it was the fire alarm or the lockdown alarm, so we all head out into the hall to check and no one’s out there, so we head back in and climb under our desks as is lockdown procedure.

Cut to an hour or so later when a teacher bursts in and nearly dies of relief because the school was on fire and we were the only students not accounted for and half the faculty and fire department had been searching for us for ages. Literally, the whole school had filled with smoke while we’d kept super safe under our wooden desks.

4 1 vote
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Jack Sparrow being, well, Jack Sparrow

Friend of mine was at a party the cops busted. It was Halloween so everyone was in costume. This one dude was dressed as jack sparrow.
Cops come in and the guy, who was super hammered at this point stands right next to an open window and says “you’ll always remember this as the day you almost caught jack sparrow,” proceeds to jump out the second story window and break his leg. Funny as shit.

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Why did the bullet end up losing his job?

Why did the bullet end up losing his job?

He got fired.

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What do you give a sick lemon?

Q: What do you give a sick lemon? / A: A Lemon-aid.

5 1 vote
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What did the duck say when it bought some lipstick?

What did the duck say when it bought some lipstick?

“Put it on my bill.”

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What do you call a group of berries playing instruments?

Q. What do you call a group of berries playing instruments?

A. A jam session.

4 1 vote
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Why is Peter Pan always flying?

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

Because he Neverlands. (I love this joke because it never grows old.)

5 1 vote
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What do you get from a pampered cow?

What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.

5 1 vote
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What did the dryer say to the boring duvet cover that just got out of the washer?

What did the dryer say to the boring duvet cover that just got out of the washer?

“Don’t be such a wet blanket.”

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Where should you go in the room if you’re feeling cold?

Where should you go in the room if you’re feeling cold?

The corner—they’re usually 90 degrees.

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What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?

What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?

Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there’s a dog.

5 1 vote
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Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon?

Did you hear about the first restaurant to open on the moon?

It had great food, but no atmosphere.

5 1 vote
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Gay teacher

So about a year ago we had to do a speech about something we were passionate about. These would then be recorded to put on the school website. I decided to do one about gay rights as it was not yet legalized in my state. I decided to mention that I was gay during the speech, which wasn’t that much of a surprise to people. In the end it went really well.

Then a couple of hours later, during lunch I was walking past the staffroom to get to the lunch hall when I heard my speech being played, being curious I stopped and I heard them replay “I am gay myself actually” a couple of times over. Out of the corner I could see my 6th grade teacher give my computer studies teacher 10 dollars. Then suddenly, I sneezed really loudly, the teachers turned around and saw me standing there.

My 6th grade teacher has pretty much gotten over it but my computer studies teacher refuses to make eye contact with me.

4 1 vote
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How to win at video games

When I was little, I would go on Nickelodeon.com all the time and they had this game similar to Club Penguin, except it was called Nicktropolis. And if you forgot your password, a security question you could choose was “What is your eye color?” and if you got it right it’d tell you your password.

So I would go to popular locations in Nicktropolis and write down random usernames who were also in those areas, and then I would log out and type in the username as if it were my own and see which of these usernames had a security question set to “What is your eye color?” (Which was most of them, since it was easy and we were all kids).

I would then try either brown, blue, or green, and always get in, then I would go to their house and send all of their furniture and decorations to my own accounts. And if I didn’t want it, I could sell it for money.

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I tried to win a suntanning competition

I tried to win a suntanning competition.

But all I got was bronze.

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