FEATURED: Hilarious Stories and Selection of the best dad jokes

How did the hipster burn his mouth?

How did the hipster burn his mouth?

He ate his pizza before it was cool.

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
I tried to win a suntanning competition

I tried to win a suntanning competition.

But all I got was bronze.

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Skull lover

So I was sitting at a lecture when I feel like being stared at, and in the corner of my eye I see this really handsome guy, who’s literally just staring at me. I don’t think much of it and continue to listen to the professor. After the lecture the guy comes up to me, and lays his hand on head and I’m like “eeeehm, what are you doing” and he stares me dead in the eyes and says “I’ve never seen such a gorgeous skull” and then he turns around and leaves.

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
How many tickles does it take to get an octopus to laugh?

How many tickles does it take to get an octopus to laugh?

Ten tickles

4 1 vote
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
I’ve been trying to make a sarcastic club

I’ve been trying to make a sarcastic club, but it’s been really hard to tell if people are interested in joining or not.

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Genital piercings locked together

My buddy’s dad had a couple came in where they both had genital piercings and while mid-intercourse, their piercings interlocked. They came in stuck together.

5 1 vote
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Wears a Hockey Mask Everywhere

Suit #1: Then Paul* just totally lost it, and threw his cellphone at Dave*.
Suit #2: My god! What was he thinking?
Suit #1: I don’t think Dave minded that much. He’s Canadian.

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Butternut squash in the vagina

One of my friends works in the ER. He said that girls come in every once in a while with different things stuck up their vagina. Such as dildos, cucumbers, and one time a whole butternut squash.

He said it was about a foot long, close to 12cm in diameter, and weighed 2.5 pounds. Apparently if you stick something in there and fill it up it creates a vacuum-like effect which just sucks it all in. They had to break it apart inside her to break the vacuum

5 1 vote
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?

Q. Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?

A. Because he always has a great fall.

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
What do you call a toothless bear?

What do you call a toothless bear?

A gummy bear!

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
What part of the museum makes everyone sneeze?

What part of the museum makes everyone sneeze?

The sta-tues.

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Do mascara and lipstick ever argue?

Do mascara and lipstick ever argue?

Sure, but then they makeup.

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
What did the duck say when it bought some lipstick?

What did the duck say when it bought some lipstick?

“Put it on my bill.”

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Where do snowmen keep their savings?

Where do snowmen keep their savings?

In the snowbank.

0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
What was Sherlock Holmes’ favorite protein source?

What was Sherlock Holmes’ favorite protein source?

Mystery meat.

5 1 vote
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
0 0 votes
😂Funny Rating. 🤣
Subscribe
Notify of
guest

0 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x