Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt quacks!
The foreign exchange student from Sweden took too much MDMA and ended up dancing in the living room with his pants and briefs pulled down.
There he was, in the living room of a massive party, with his tiny little dick swaying back and forth. He was kicked out, and kept coming back dancing with his pants at his ankles.
He came back the next day to apologize; it was his first week being a foreign exchange student at our school. Yes, a meme was made.
Why couldn’t the couple get married at the library?
It was all booked up.
What is Marco’s favorite clothing store?
Columbia hipster girl #1: They were going out for a while.
Columbia hipster girl #2: Like, in college or in the real world?
Girl: Why do you like her so much?
Guy: She’s just so weird-looking!
One of my friends works in the ER. He said that girls come in every once in a while with different things stuck up their vagina. Such as dildos, cucumbers, and one time a whole butternut squash.
He said it was about a foot long, close to 12cm in diameter, and weighed 2.5 pounds. Apparently if you stick something in there and fill it up it creates a vacuum-like effect which just sucks it all in. They had to break it apart inside her to break the vacuum
So one day I was walking around, just chilling with my friends when I see this guy reading a book. He was new there but the book was a book I read and LOVED.
So naturally I approach this boy hoping to make a new friend and bond over the series. Being the socially awkward fail I am I planned out ahead of time what I’d say: “Hey, we’ve [my friends and I] wanted to come over to say hi cause I say you were reading a book I liked and I hope we can talk more in the future.”
Once we got to him I panicked and just had to blurt out “We’ve come to hello you.” and I think my voice cracked and I almost started to cry.
Never gonna talk to them again.
Q: What do you call an attractive fruit? / A: A fine-apple.
A Roman legionnaire walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says, “Five beers, please.”
I tell dad jokes, but I don’t have any kids.
I’m a faux pa.
What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?
You probably think it’s “R” but it be the “C”.
What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste, mostly.
Q. Did you hear about the waffle iron with anger issues?
A. He just flipped.
I tried to win a suntanning competition.
But all I got was bronze.